I have sat on this post for months, too terrified to actually publish it. But when my 17 year old cousin committed suicide a few weeks ago, possibly in part because he was struggling with being gay, it was the last straw. This post was originally about me being pro-gay marriage, but I will not tolerate any kind of homophobia around me or this blog, and I am going to speak out about it until I am blue in the face.
The last time I saw my cousin was when our whole family was together. I am the eldest cousin on that side of my family and the only girl, and all the boy cousins were ragging on each other saying, “You’re gay”, “That’s gay”, “f*gg&t this and that” and on and on. I literally stood up, got all of their attention and said you have no idea who is gay in this room and hasn’t come out yet. You have no idea how powerful and hurtful your words can be, so please stop. Almost everyone, except my cousin who killed himself and my husband, blew me off and went on with their behavior. I will always carry the guilt that I was too busy to really see my cousin and see how bad he was hurting, but I can at least sleep well knowing that I stood up and said this is not ok.
So not only is it time for gay marriage to be legal, it’s time to stop the full on bullying of gay people and also the seemingly innocent gay jokes, the “That’s gay” comments, and all forms of socially acceptable homophobia and bullying.
But back to my original post about me being in support of gay marriage.
Deep breaths. Here goes nothing.
Yes, I am Catholic. I believe everything the Catholic Church stands in regards to ideals for living life, except gay marriage. I think it is a human rights issue and it is not OK to tell someone they are not allowed to get married. I do like the new Pope (Argentina represent!), but am doubtful he would ever allow gays to get married in the church. But I would love for him to at least say that all humans at least have the right to civil marriages. Thankfully, Catholics, unlike some Christian religions, do not believe that it is a sin to be gay or that “saving” a gay person will change them – it’s the procreation part they take issue with.
My Chick-fil-A is crap food post really stirred the pot on the M+BL Facebook page when I posted about it. I don’t watch the news much, so I was pretty shocked to find out that there were people who were actually happy to find out that Chick-fil-A supports anti-LGBT groups. I understand people wanting their right to free speech, but this is not what this debate is about.
It’s about human rights. I don’t care what you believe in, whether it’s politics or religion. I truly love each and every one of you no matter what.
I see the good in all people, and it doesn’t bother me in the slightest when someone believes something different than me.
I love learning about different cultures and religions, I love to travel and I love to talk to people. Everyone and everything fascinates me.
But if you are mean to gay people, then we can not be friends. If you don’t speak up when people are saying gay jokes, then we can’t be friends. No more keeping my mouth shut to be nice and liked. No more teenagers are going to think that dying is the only way out from the pain of people being so mean and cruel.
If you don’t agree with abortion, or gay marriage or whatever, that is totally fine. Or even think that it is a mortal sin. I get it, I really do. But spreading hate into the world isn’t going to help anything or anyone.
It is never OK to spew hate and fear into the world because of your beliefs. Let people go on about their business and do what they want, stay focused on yourself and sticking to the morals and beliefs that you believe.
Jesus is about Love and God is Love, and I think if he were here today, he would be disgusted with some people’s actions towards other humans. I pray that in my lifetime we will look back on this time in history and scratch our heads and think, “How could we have done that? How could we have treated someone else like that?” Just like we do now, looking back on slavery and segregation.
So here it is, on the record: Yes, I know I just said I am Catholic. I am, but to me, this is a human rights issue. Anyone should be allowed to marry whoever they want without being abused, ridiculed, and ostracized from the community. Same sex or several people, I don’t care. It’s your basic human right to live the way you want to live if you are not harming anyone else. And a woman marrying a woman is not harming anyone.
I have talked about this at length with some of my Catholic friends and I love this quote from my friend Jen, from Ecological Babies:
I believe God created all types of people and that if someone was born attracted to someone of the same gender, then that is how He created them. If someone loves someone enough to want to stay in a committed, loving relationship for the rest of their life, then that is a close to the divine nature of God (perfect love) as it gets. So what if their parts aren’t compatible for procreation. Does that mean that sterile men and women shouldn’t be married? Basically, I think it comes down to a respect for life and the dignity of the human being.
One of my closest friends is a lesbian. She has been “married” to her wife for over a decade. They have a small child, the same age as my daughter. They are some of the most committed married people and devoted parents that I know. This couple is as devoted to each other and staying married and keeping their family together just like I am. They go to counseling, work on themselves, and do whatever they need to do to make their marriage work and keep their family together. How is that any different than any other marriage? It’s not! They are exactly the same as my family! They are pro marriage just as much as I am. They are open and willing to more children to grow their family, just like us. How could they not be respecting procreation, when they so beautifully brought their daughter into the world and are loving parents to a child of God.
My plea to you is this: Be kind. Send love into the world in all your actions. Lord knows I am not perfect, and I have let anger and my ego get the best of me at times, but on a whole, my life’s mission has been about improving my life and the lives of other families and spreading love and light into the world. Before you say something, before you do something, stop and think, “Is this spreading love into the world?”
Like one of my favorite author’s, Louise Hay say’s, Love is the great miracle cure. Let’s try and remember that as we go about being human beings to other human beings.